Bear with me…this is currently a work in progress and will be jumping all over the place at the moment lol…its morphing and evolving all the time

And then she thought, what if I’m not supposed to die completely, but just to the old ways? What if it’s about shifting my paradigm?  What if The Source of All Existence is in me as me? If I die to the ego..am I cutting off TSOAE’s expression in me as me? How would TSOAE live in me as me.. I guess I’m about to find out :) What if this is the spiritual autism I’m trying to recover from?  Buried deep within my subconscious is a pattern of beliefs that tell me I’m a land bound caterpillar…maybe I’m just a butterfly with spiritual autism.  Maybe I’m not the land bound creature, but I can fly with the wings of the Source of Life.  Maybe God isn’t outside of me, but within me as well.  I know that’s Biblical, but the idea only resided within my conscious mind as knowledge of an idea.  What happens if I plant that idea in my subconscious?

And is spiritual autism a dependency on an idea outside of yourself for coping in an unfamiliar world, ie spiritual immaturity)?  I think of my son.  He will never be independent.  He is not wired to be.  He is wired to be dependent on others his whole life.  His power to succeed is solely based on what I do for him. I find that our society and also many religions, tend to perpetuate a dependency on something outside oneself.

Autism can be issues with neurological process that interpret the signals around us.  Spiritual autism is the same.  It’s an inability to process reality from the viewpoint of the Truth. God, Source, whatever you call It, is omnipresent, so there is nowhere that It is not, or It would not be omnipresent.  So what then is the separation?  Is it an idea?  A specific paradigm?  I look at how everything around us is geared to us being separate from everything, that we should be afraid, how we are divided and pitted against one another and I can certainly see how we gravitate towards not understanding our true nature.

We are taught that we are sinners…what is that actually?  I’ve heard that the term ’sin’ means to miss the mark.  Perhaps I am a sinner when I believe that I am separate from the Source of Life…I am missing the mark of truth.

Many years later, and a 2nd failed marriage…

The TSOAE lives as someone who stumbles, who fails, who succeeds, who has better days than others, who gets angry, who loves beyond measure, who keeps getting back up before falling down again…LOL!!  And learns more compassion towards others every day….. :D