How are you?  I noticed you fold your hands alot in your chair.  I took a picture of it today.  We’ve also been going for long walks.  I sure am grateful about that.  I love to do that with you and the dog.   Ya know, what you are really teaching me is how to just be with another person, how to really listen.  I guess I say that alot, but there seems to be alot to learn about it.  You’re also teaching me that maybe there’s no real meaning behind any of this experience.  Maybe its just about dealing with what is, and trying to inject love into each moment.  Everytime I try to put meaning into it, while the idea carries my emotions for a while, ultimately the ride comes to an end and its back to reality.  I seem to do the best when I give up meaning and purpose for now.  It’s like meaning and purpose keep my mind in past events to dictate a future outcome.  It’s not working for me anymore.  The most peace is just to sit and be with you.  Just be, whatever the moment calls for.  Not easy though…

Oh Dear John, what you’ve brought out of me! What you’ve reached in and hauled out of the mud! It’s such a strange place to be. And for once I won’t even try to put the experience into words. Can’t be done. Won’t even try. Don’t even want to anymore. I am in awe of all this. It makes me want to vomit in a way, because of the sense at my gut. There’s a sensation I’m not used to. It emits(?) something that has nothing to stand on, something that cannot be held. It feels topsy turvy in a good way, slippy slidy in a fun way, but I think the nausea part is the cord of fear trying to keep things where they are, or trying to mentally process the experience as its happening. Not possible.

Anyways my boy, you’ve turned my ship around. I’ve dreamt for many years of mentoring my own child. And here you come along, as my mentor instead. Who’s dream was I dreaming?

I really love you John. I hope I’ll understand you more as life goes on. I believe I will because I understand you a bit more now than before. Thanks for everything! (except the flinging, I’m really not enjoying that at all!-smiles)

Been thinking about all this newness within, and it’s kind of like a seed. You’ve tilled the soil, and added the manure, a necessary fertilizer to begin germination. Instead of being just a seed doing nothing, the outer shell is broken, so that the life within can begin to rise up. And in remembrance of that dream a while ago, about the destruction of that shopping mall, I stand with that guy who said the devastation was sooo worth the ride…even when it feels like it isn’t… :)

Next:   Magic in the mundane