I’ve had 2 dreams in my life, both of which came to fruition.  For a time, they were everything I’d hoped…until they weren’t.  I wished for something, got it, and realized that I didn’t know what I was asking for.   I chose to remain within these circumstances, so life offered me the chance to change the way I saw them.  And in this undoing I uncovered a deeper dream that I didn’t know I had, but in hindsight, had always been there. It was a search for love….which brings me to the dojo…

“Dojo is written ‘a place of the way’ in Japanese and therefore used as a place to train martial arts.  It also has other meanings, like a place where people learn to discipline themselves, a place where you practice and train the way of anything, and the way leads you to enlightenment, a place where one can improve ourselves to become a better person.  It can basically be anywhere.  Your home could be a dojo, the street, grocery store, the gym,… Respect is paid to the dojo for the selfless service it renders.  Bow to the dojo when you come in, and bow when you go out(which I do every time I load him in and out of the van, or I smack my head really hard, haha) …”~ paraphrased from http://www.kendo-guide.com/meaning_of_dojo.html

I suppose the dojo could be any place or experience that rocks you to your very core…

I read a lot of stories that point to the hero as one who lives their lives for those with special needs.  Or heroes are those kids and adults alike, living lives of disability or sickness, who triumph in their spirit as they rise above their limitations.  Those are amazing stories indeed!!   My son is an amazing hero in my life too.

He is my dojo.  His disabilities are profoundly amazing abilities.  He doesn’t walk, talk, sit or crawl, and cannot display his overcoming triumph, except as a grounding force that can transform lives around him.  I have tried to change others, only to come to the realization that I can’t.  My son can.  He has that capacity, and it is only because he is imprisoned within his body that he is accomplishing the task of inspiring, or perhaps opening me to, a deep transcendent love within myself.   This love is not one that seeks a return for its investment, but a love that loves in spite of, that loves for the sake of love, and rather than only being loved in return.  It comes from within, from a place my ego cannot touch, yet can still experience…..I cannot make it happen, I can only allow it to flow, to paraphrase Adyashanti.

I’ve said that my son, who cannot speak nor act for himself, who is dependent on others for everything, is my celestial social worker.  He is waking me out of my spiritual autism, as he attempts to open the closed door of my heart to a love so abundant that I cannot even begin to fathom its depths. He also shows me the downfalls within current structures and paradigms.  What I perceive as his disabilities are actually profound abilities, in that they bring with them a tremendous transforming energy, an x-factor in the ongoing process of ‘love-volution’ of humanity, one soul at a time.     His inherent tendency toward extreme originality is able to inspire a deeper love and compassion, sincere selflessness and sincere cellfishness, bringing life to the heartist within!   Truthfully, some days I love, and, well, others are just plain suicidal, haha. : )  But that is my experience, and maybe not everyone’s…

It is in this place of abundant love though, that I endeavour to dwell, for as I allow this unconditional love to flow to my boy, it overflows out of my own life onto others, as begin to see that we are all dysfunctional in some way, and apply the same compassion to them as my son.  The dysfunction is just more obvious in others.   And this grace is there, no matter what my circumstances are, if I remember to tap into it, by getting out of its way.  Only my son could have achieved this for me.    There are definitely different experiences for others that bring them to this same place.   This is just mine.  He is my hero, and I honour him for the selfless service he renders to me.   And for this I bow in respect, and offer my most profound gratitude to both him, and to Life, for the amazing dojo that he is, and gift it has been to me.

If ever an award existed for these abilities, I’d want to give one to him, for his work with the spiritually autistic.   The reward I get is the utter destruction of my world (which is a good thing, said the butterfly to the caterpillar).

I cannot say that this should be everyone’s experience in a situation like this.  It is a grueling life that can have different effects from this type of cause, depending on the individuals involved.  It doesn’t mean I’m right and someone else is wrong.  It just is what it is, and this is just my experience.  And I’ve learned to give gratitude for events that rock my life, that shatter it to its very core.  It’s not easy, but always helps…

Next - “Foreward”