Hello Johnny bear. The doctors seem to think you have Cerebral Palsy. Your symptoms certainly seem to fit the description. I saw a little boy who reminded me of you. Truthfully, he looked about your age and size. He lives in Auntie Ruth’s townhome complex. And there he was, propelling himself around on his scooter. I’m crying as I write this. I get a strange feeling inside when I see him. Can’t quite define it. I see him, then I see you, still so infant-like in your perceptions. I’ve been all over the map recently. I’ve not wanted to write for fear that I had nothing positive to say. I don’t want to read my earlier journals to you because they might be too full of hope.. I’m losing hope Johnny. I don’t know how to pray. I don’t know what to ask for. Do I want you to run around and be like other kids? Yes, because I love to play, and horse around like that. Yes, because I’m stuck in my ways a lot of the time. Yes, because I don’t want to adapt to a different way of thinking, a different view and consideration of life. And yet……no. No because I love you and want you to be just the way God intends. No, because of the spiritual opportunities this offers. No, because of the greater surrender and openness to life this presents. No, because of the doors and new adventures, expanded awareness and compassion and love this offers. And oh yes,…no, because of the humility. All the yeses are associated with my ego’s needs. All the no’s are associated with Spirit. And now I’m smiling…..BLECH!! J Maybe there is nothing for you to learn in this life. Maybe you are a teacher. I find it interesting that in my dreams, an eagle spirit flies with you. When I call out or look for you in them, I see an eagle first, then you appear. You have so much to teach daddy and I. May we have the grace, love, patience and humility to learn. I suppose those are the lessons. Life is certainly not what I thought, and I’m grateful to God for that! My perceptions can be quite short sighted and inaccurate most of the time. I learned to trust and rely on the Holy Spirit when I lived in Toronto, completely I thought, but have not been so reliant since we moved back to BC. You offer me this opportunity again. Thank you! I love you! I look forward to your waking up! 2-dls for now booboo!

Oh, PS, I forgot to mention that when you roll over now, you’ve got your arm underneath your chest, and are beginning to support yourself a wee bit more. You even lift your bum up a bit. That’s wonderful to see. I forget these little encouragements sometimes.

And another thing I wanted to mention was Father’s Day. We went to Grandpa’s, and Uncle Paul showed up with his 2 boys. The younger one, also named Jon(athan), was playing his ukulele right beside your head. You had just been fussing on the floor, but when he began to play, you became very quiet and keen to listen. You really loved it!

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