“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” Matt 5:4

Dear Father,

You have given me an incredible gift. You have comforted an anguish and soothed my pain by answering a prayer in a way I never imagined. I told you I had to hold him one more time, and while I didn’t know how You’d do it, I knew you could.  I had no doubt You’d find a way.

You allowed Luthor to penetrate my dreams. After the 2nd one, I realized what was happening and begged for one more chance. Thank you! You gave me my 3rd dream and this time I held my dog. I hugged him and hugged him and hugged him and squeezed him so tightly, just like I used to. You let me hold him again! For as long as I needed!  Everything my heart and soul pleaded for happened, except telling him how sorry I was. I just held him and held him and held him. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I knew You’d find a way.

But this is such a roller coaster of emotion. The other night I was crying again for my loss, even after that wonderful dream. Oh Father, it’s so hard to experience the death of one you loved as a child. The separation is so painful. You’ve experienced it, I guess, when your creation “died” so to speak. Something you made, nurtured, loved and communed with directly separated themselves from you. Although anger was expressed, was it Your deep sorrow for that which was lost? Did you cry too? Even if you know it will happen one day, doesn’t make it any less difficult to experience does it? Father, were you thankful for the time you did have with Adam and Eve in the garden? Did you value each moment? Was it exciting for you to watch mankind learn their baby steps?

Oh Father, I miss Luthor so much. He introduced me to You as an intimate friend. You were just an acquaintance before, just “God” to me. This giving of love seems to have brought us closer together. But will this pain ever go away? Well, I guess I can put it to good use. I said I’d make his death meaningful. Father, I love you. Thank you for allowing my puppy to visit my dreams. Thank you for my dog and the loving nature he brought into my life. He may not be made in your image, but You are still his breath of life and there has to be a bit of You in him. How else could he love so much?

Aug 1997