(or woman, or animal… :) ), than this, to lay down one’s life for their friends…”  John 15:13


There are those who lay down their lives for their country, or to rescue others in trouble, or serve their communities, or serve those who cannot meet the barest minimal requirement of survival.  There are also those who lay down their souls, to help change a person’s heart.

This last group  is a very special group.  While some perceive them as takers, they are actually doing the same as the others listed above, except on a different level.  When using the “eyes that see’, what I’ve previously called disability is actually incredible ability.  Rather than cultivating minds, they cultivate and transform hearts, trying to animate agape (a-ga-pay, or a-gah-pay) love in those around them, at least in my experience.   Agape is a Greek word that essentially means unconditional love, or the highest form of love, that wills the best for another.  I believe their efforts can help to create a balance between Heart and Mind, which is crucial to a functional community, society, whatever.., but it requires a different way of viewing life.

So, the particular group mentioned above attempts this shift in perception by coming into this realm, our physical life, with a condition that I like to think is affectionately known in Heaven, as ‘Nonconformitosis”. :)  This essentially means that they have to be taken care of all their lives, due to physical and cognitive limitations in varying degrees.  It’s not a very pretty life, :), and not always conducive to taking the high road, lol. Thank God there is always another day to choose the high road again. :)

My little guy has “agape-fied my life”.  This makes him and others like him, an integral and fundamental requirement within our culture, even though they are perceived as only ever taking from society.  What they give back is intangible, if one is ready for it, and it cannot be measured in a tangible way, except by the hearts of those they change, I suppose.  Their intangible gift can help keep hearts open,… (or close them too I guess….not always a success story in this world)..which is perhaps why I want to offer a different way of looking at it.


This site is dedicated to my son.  It’s essentially about the experience of personal death as a way of life (ya know…’he who loses his life will find it….).  It ain’t pretty…BUT….und its a big BUT(said in a german accent, lol), it is to tap into something so liberating, that is buried deep within, like the caterpillar that taps into the butterfly.  It is something profound… eternal…. and lends itself to the ‘peace that passeth understanding’ that is becoming one woman’s experience.

I made a decision to put my journals on this site.  It is  under the heading “Aurora Butterfly”. The first part is called ‘Letters to Heaven’ and represent my struggles pre Johnjohn.  The 2nd part ‘Dojo JohnJohn’ is the pregnancy and life up til he was 7.  The third part was just a place of being, a settling into  what is,… listening to the silence.  It is called ‘Magic in the Mundane :) , and is the years since(up to end of 2016).  You’ll see Youtube videos at the end of some of the journal entries. I suggest reading the post first, then playing the video. It’s just songs that were applicable to the emotion, along with the lyrics. But you do it how you want :) .

I am grateful beyond words for my son (most days, lol).  Nonconformitosis brings with it an inherent tendency toward extreme originality!!  And every day I get to see how original (grrrrr.. :) ) he can be.  He is my angelic missionary, sent to the mission field of earth to cure my spiritual autism, and is the harvester of my soul, although I would be lying if I didn’t admit that there are days when I feel like he’s an energy sucking vampire, :) .  Nonconformitosis is also contagious, :) , and at times I find myself also exhibiting the obvious indicators of this condition as well (the extreme originality, lol).  Together he and I share a life of nonconformity to most things, except to what is in our hearts, :) .

img_1532 Love the drool..

So welcome to our little corner of cyber space…and Perfect Love and Peace to you from us both! :)

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