We did your CT scan. Your Grandma Roadknight arrived. She came to be here just for this, and support the 3 of us. The loving gesture touched me deeply, because her other son and his family were visiting Ontario for only a few weeks from Africa, and she came here to share this moment with us. I felt like a miracle would happen the day of the scan, and it did, but not the way I hoped. This morning, before we all went to the hospital, (you, Daddy, me, the 2 Grandmas, and Grandpa Harris), Grandma Roadknight brought out the Holy Water and Anointing Oil from Greece that her friend in Ontario had sent with her. She had wanted us to pray over and anoint you before this procedure today. I was blown away by this act of loving kindness from a complete stranger. I wept like crazy as it opened a floodgate of emotion I didn’t realize I was wallowing in. The picture of us praying over you really sunk the reality of what was going on in deeply. She sent a small teddy bear along as well, the softest one ever. I named it after her. It will always be a special one to me.

Anyway, 5 of us gather around you this morning. You were laying quite contentedly on Grandma Roadknight’s lap, so we decided to leave you there. I sprinkled the Holy Water on you, and read the Bible passage about the faith of the centurion aloud. Grandma R read a Psalm to you. Nana also spoke. And then we three prayed, with Grandpa closing in prayer, anointing you. And even our dog, Copper, was in on the circle. At one point I held my mom’s hand, using the hand I’d been stroking Copper with. Copper reached her paw up to Nana’s other hand. It was an incredibly beautiful time. Again, it is the love that is impressed upon me. My heart opened a little more today. I felt love more deeply than I ever felt before. In my prayer I spoke of each of us being open to a healing. I know enough in my walk with God that healing and miracles come in ways you never anticipate. I’ve missed many in the past because I had a mindset about what miracle I wanted, about the form in which it should occur. And because the appearance was different, I didn’t recognize it. I really have to be open to it, and be conscious not to brand the form I wish it to appear in. And in my prayer I also thanked God for the miracle that would occur. I truly had no idea it would be love.

When we got to the hospital, I was very emotional. My heart went out to all the parents with sick children. I had a tiny glimpse into their world today. I saw babies, preemies and newborns being wheeled into recovery rooms from surgery, from xrays, ultrasounds, all sorts of things. I saw a board on a door into a room with a picture of a baby and a big card that said “Our hearts are with “baby’s name” and I knew that baby had died. There was a Starbucks kiosk with a smaller version of it made out of popsicle sticks by a boy from the oncology ward. I wondered if he were still alive. It was hard to fight back the tears. I wanted to hug all the parents. Maybe I should set up a ‘hug’ kiosk, and give out hugs at Sick Kids, J!

Anyway, your appointment time came along, and you had fallen asleep. We were so happy about that, but the anesthetist was delayed due to an emergency and you woke up, meaning you too would have to be sedated. Your dad and Grandma R have been through a lot of this type of stuff when your dad was young. He spent a lot of time in the hospital as a kid. He’s not handling this too well.

When it was finally your turn, we had to leave you in the room of strangers. That was not easy. Were you okay? Were you scared? I never left the waiting room. I kept my eyes on the door until I finally caught a glimpse of them wheeling you in, and then waited for them to fetch me. But they didn’t right away, so I began hovering until I knew that all had gone well, and you were fine. When I could finally see you, it took all I had not to run as fast as I could to get to you. And then there you were. Nana came with me since Daddy wasn’t back yet. When you woke up, I gave you a drink, and you choked soooo badly, really badly. But within time you regained your brightness. A radiology nurse commented on your eyes. People always comment on your eyes. But she said that she felt they were like marble, deep blue marble. I wonder if they’ll stand out as much when your hair grows in.

The neurologist said the preliminary report indicated things looked normal, and wants to do 2 more tests to check your hearing and chromosomes. After that, if all is normal, it’s a waiting game until they do an MRI at 2 years of age. I sure hope that won’t be necessary. All the way home I felt numb. Why wasn’t I ecstatic that the scan was normal?

Next:  Christmas