Boy, I’ve been angry these last few days. The issues that have triggered them are trying to take you shopping and you ALWAYS, ALWAYS freaking out. I don’t know what it is John. Why? WTFW? Is it something to do with your vision? Or is it the strollers? You seem to be ok under the same lights when I hold you. Do you feel insecure?

Boy, let’s talk about surrender. I found myself today genuinely surrendering. Sometimes its easier than others. Surrender sure goes deep. It wants every single idea Beth has ever conceived of, and every paradigm she’s ever been taught. It wants them all, every single last little microbe of an amoeba of an idea. Surrender wants it all, everything, the whole lot, the good and the bad, the whole kit and caboodle. Everything! Total surrender. Complete and entire surrender of any molecule of personal agenda! And I really don’t know what that means!!

I found that the butterfly I’ve been searching for is sitting, waiting patiently for my genuine mental surrender, but I’ve been too busy searching for the answers. I’ve felt it was elusive, and I’d never quite got it. It was always just more layers. I couldn’t understand why it was always just more layers. But there it is, waiting in love to be remembered, but you have to give it space in your awareness. As Deepak has put it, it’s the gap between thoughts. Anyway, all that to say, can’t find outside what is hiding on the inside. I can’t put this into words. It’s just not possible. Absolutely positively impossible.

Next:  “uncle”